The universal experience of mum guilt comes from an amazingly good place - our deep and infinite love for our children. Their emotional and physical wellbeing is the most important thing to us.
Therefore, we worry about getting it wrong. The problem is, how do we know what’s ‘right’?
If I do THIS, how will it impact their social development? What if by doing THIS it means they’ll be slower to learn to read? Walk? Eat solids? What if THIS gives them separation anxiety? Scars them? Means they won’t be able to manage their emotions?
What I’ve observed consistently, over many years of working with new mums, is that there is absolutely no perfect way to go about doing things. Mums go back to work full time, part time, not at all, rock their baby to sleep, practice controlled crying, have no idea why their baby’s crying, end up breast feeding, end up bottle feeding, do tummy time, don’t do tummy time, have a hands-on helper, don’t have a helper… and everyone at times worries they’re doing the wrong thing.
Here are my top tips for managing mum guilt!
Do what’s right for YOU - People feel guilty for going back to work/going out, and feel guilty for not going back to work/not going out. What a waste of energy feeling so guilty. Do what’s right for you. And what’s right for you might change over time. That’s ok too.
You can only make the best decision you can with the information that’s available to you at the time. Go with what feels right in that moment. Seek a trusted opinion if needed.
Tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and snapping at your child? You’re not alone. Notice, take some breaths when you can, and let yourself off the hook. The quicker you can stop berating yourself and instead learn from what’s going on, the better.
What information are you filtering in? Usually, we believe we’re not going to do a good enough job, and look for the evidence that’s true. If we do something well, we casually dismiss it. If we do something we think is ‘wrong’, we feel guilty for days. Bring awareness to the information you’re filtering in, and filtering out…
Your child is giving you a gift - the opportunity to learn self compassion. Throughout your parenting journey, you WILL make decisions that you reflect on and think ‘next time I would make a different decision’. And that’s ok.
Visit Kathryn at Joint Dynamics Evolve for a non-judgemental and supportive chat for all things mum guilt and beyond!